those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize