it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
