I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
