I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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