in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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