they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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