Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
