I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
