He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God, I missed his penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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