good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
