I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
