friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
