we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
