I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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