So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
