East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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