Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
