No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
