I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
