i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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