i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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