god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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