I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize