Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
