Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
