I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this beer tastes like vomit already
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
