Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
jump out the window naked night went bad
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize