I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
