fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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