My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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