ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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