In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
