very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
