I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
