so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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