My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
