Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
