so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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