I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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