so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
