dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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