What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
