last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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