He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
