please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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