I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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