Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
