Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
