Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
