I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
