I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
