I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
