I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
