we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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