Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
