my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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