I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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