Who did Billy Mays play for?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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