dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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