his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
