they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
