You made me cry and you don't even care
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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