I hate all girls vehemently.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
ok first of all what the fuck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
