did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
