you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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