We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize