i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
