K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
