I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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