K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I only lived at night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
