tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
