Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
